A practical handbook on positive confrontation by the authors of the award-winning and best-selling Boundaries. Successful people confront well. They know that setting healthy boundaries improves relationships. They have discovered that uncomfortable—even dangerous—situations can often be avoided or resolved through direct conversation. But most of us don’t know how to go about having difficult conversations. We see confrontation as scary or adversarial. We’re afraid to ask a boss for a raise or talk to a relative about a drinking problem, or even address a relational conflict with a spouse or someone we are dating.

In Boundaries Face to Face authors Cloud and Townsend take the principles from their best-selling book Boundaries and apply them to a variety of the most common difficult situations and relationships.

• Explains why confrontation is essential in all arenas of life

• Shows how healthy confrontation can improve relationships

• Presents the essentials of a good boundary-setting conversation

• Provides tips on how to prepare for the conversation

• Shows how to tell people what you want, how to stop bad behavior, and how to deal with counterattack

• Gives actual examples of conversations to have with your spouse, your date, your kids, your coworker, your boss, your parents, and more

From the Book

Sometimes people get confused in a confrontation because the other person gets them off track. If that happens, remember this formula.

Empathize with their feelings or position, and return to your issue.

Here’s an example.

Joe: “I can’t believe you were offended by my comments. You joke around more than anyone here. That’s pretty hypocritical.”

You: “I understand it’s hard for you to see, and I’m glad you meant it as a joke and weren’t trying to be hurtful. What I’m telling you, though, and what I don’t want you to miss, is how it affected me. It hurt me and I don’t want to be talked to like that.”